Causecast

by AARON HORWITZ, Contributing Writer

A few weeks ago, The California Supreme Court made the sad decision to uphold Proposition 8, thereby continuing to deny the rights of same-sex couples to marry statewide.

The fight is surely not over, as gay rights groups pledge to bring the issue back to the ballot in 2010, and other states continue to grant rights for gays to marry. Nevertheless, homophobes everywhere will continue to do their part to put a stop to gay marriage. As their desperation grows, pro-Prop 8 groups begin to use mass media in increasingly ridiculous ways.

Luckily, the influx of recent pro-homosexuality films and the positive reception they have received have helped to counter balance anti-gay sentiment in pop culture and mainstream America. As films like Milk and Brokeback Mountain continue to generate awards and acclaim, the hope is that eventually, these films may change some minds. 

However, purely for fun, I’ve decided to compile a list of the five films LEAST likely to sway the feelings of homophobes anytime soon. So here we go…

1) I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

Here, the filmmakers went and took one of the most manly professions in America (firefighting) and injected a great big dose of gayness into it. Adam Sandler has always been a man’s man and Kevin James even moreso (although he did make his break in a TV show called The King of Queens). Sure, they themselves don’t play actual homosexuals, but by film’s end they’re fully in favor of it, and so is the rest of the department. There’s a nightclub scene that features David Spade in a playboy bunny outfit, and big, bad Ving Rhames proudly sings I’m Every Woman while naked in the shower. But perhaps most troubling of all, Kevin James is stuck with every homophobic dad’s greatest fear…a young gay son!

On the other hand guys, if Jessica Biel thinks you’re gay, you can do this with her.

2) The Birdcage

Speaking of gay sons, this legendary film flips the M.O. and gives us…[gulp]…a gay dad! Robin Williams has always been a flamboyant actor, and so naturally he shines here, but it’s his partner, played to neurotic perfection by Nathan Lane that’ll really make manly men squirm in their seats. In one infamous scene, Lane dons a wig and a dress in an attempt to be motherly (since his son-in-law’s new parents aren’t ready for the gay dad concept).

3) The Crying Game
I’m not usually one to give away spoilers, but, well I’m sure you’ve already heard about this one. Stephen Rea stars as Fergus, an IRA volunteer (is there anything more manly than an Irish terrorist?) who falls for a mysterious woman. Except…turns out she’s not a woman. Whoops. When Fergus finds out, he ends up falling for "her" anyways. Score one for Transgendered!

4) Boat Trip
Cuba Gooding Jr. and Horatio Sanz sign up to be dance instructors on a cruise ship in order to get a free ride and pick up chicks. Little do they know…its a gay cruise! And what could be more frightening to a manly homophobic male than being stuck on a cruise ship with hundreds of gay couples for 90 minutes of screentime? Alternatively…what could be more frightening to homosexual males than being stuck on a cruise ship with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Horatio Sanz? On second thought, this is just an offensive, awful movie no matter how you look at it.

5) Bruno
Sure, it hasn’t come out yet, but I’ve already seen it (ha!), and I can say with total confidence that this is the film that will make homophobes literally cringe and punch themselves in the face. They’ll cringe because never has a film shown so much blatant, over-the-top, in-your-face, flamboyantly homosexual shananigans. But they’ll punch themselves later because they simply won’t be able to stop laughing. This is a film that goes straight after the people I’ve spent the last seven hundred words making fun of, and it does so with a fierce and hilarious verve. Get ready America, you’ve been warned (and kudos to you Sasha Baron Cohen).

Check out the film’s hilarious trailer over at Apple. 

Know a film you think should make this list? Strike back in the comments section below. And keep these babies comin’ Hollywood!